Much appreciation for those that took the time to comment on the recent post Six Things I Don’t Get.
I was not asking for agreement or dis-agreement with the six things. I was asking for your help in making it somewhat clearer to me.
Reading your responses and reflecting, I now think that several of the items are nothing more than forms of degradation. Yes, they are not my kink, but I don’t think degradation should be anyone’s kink. That’s a judgment and it’s mine. If you don’t agree with me, fine. Go beat a puppy.
1) Trying to extract tears from inflicting pain alone shows you are nothing but a sadist with no regard for human emotion.
2) The male desire to see marked bottoms. As I said marking can happen and is has little to do with intensity. But, if marking is what’s all important to you, then you are a sadist. Please leave the room.
4 and 5) Cum on women. The following explains it for me.
On a Tumbler site, showing a picture of woman with a facial, here are the owner’s own words:
I’m a happily married Swedish male in my mid-40th. [sic] Living in an evolving D/s-S&M-relationship where we both explore the depth and width of our kinks and our lust.
I find degraded, caned, whipped, crying, humiliated, bound, helpless and dominated women highly erotic. Add a moment where the camera has caught a glimpse of reality in tears or fear and I’m in seventh heaven, or give me a picture where the victim has lost all her dignity and knows it.
[PS, He teaches HS. Exactly the sort we need around children]
It ties in with 1 and 2 also.
6) The male slave thing and the desire to have sexual pleasure withheld. I will never get it. Pass
OK, I will take a hiatus from serious posts and return to fluff and pictures.
6 thoughts on “Degradation, I Get That”
I don't get all that pain and degrading stuff either. But am very happy those who do seem to find each other and can fulfill their kinky desires. To each his own, I guess.
Bogey, I think I can bring in a different view on some of the aspects you mentioned. I don't expect you to agree with me, all I want to show is that these things don't necessarily have to be evil.
I am one of those who like marks, not only when I'm on the receiving end but also when I'm on the administering end of a spanking. For me, they are visible reminders of a special experience that I have shared with another kinkster, and they are strongly connected with my brave girl / boy kink (not with degradation). What is important to me is that 1) the other person involved enjoys the scene and likes marks, too, 2) there is no permanent damage, but a good aftercare and enough time to heal and 3) the spanking is administered so skillfully that there is no risk of any unintentional harm. Does that make me a sadist? Yes, but not in a dangerous pathological way. There are two kinds of sadism: Pathological, destructive sadism and erotic, affectionate sadism. I described the two in more detail in this post in case you are interested. Marking of course isn't the only important thing for me, but it can be a pretty important part in certain scenes, and especially when it comes to the visual stimulus of videos.
Facials don't have to be about degradation, either. Far from it, actually. Of course they can be connected to submissive bedroom play, but like marks they are much more a positive sign of a special connection for some men and women than a sign of any form of degradation. I try to explain it. The cum is one of the most intimate and special fluids of a man. It's released in the process of love-making and its purpose is to create a new life. The face on the other hand is a very intimate area as well and can be seen as the mirror of the soul of a person. So, for some men (and women) the idea of bringing the two together in an act of love-making holds indeed some appeal (just like the idea of swallowing one's partners semen).
Of course I don't expect you to like any of it! All I try to say is that things sometimes aren't as simple as they might seem. I assume that for many vanillas the idea that spanking can be related to something erotic and not only be seen as something purely painful and scary is quite hard to understand. I believe that this is true for many kinks which one doesn't share. I guess that's why all the things that you mentioned bring up so negative images when you think about them. But that doesn't mean that those who are into these things must have any negative intentions. For them, these forms of play can also be connected with very positive and empowering pictures.
My remarks on marks was limited to … if marking is what’s all important to you, then you are a sadist.
My comment on facials was limited to the context of the Blogger I quoted.
Thanks for commenting Joyc. I think if both want it, it's not degrading.
When I wrote my comment I was under the impression that you had come to the conclusion that (almost) all the practises about which you talked in your last post were nothing else but signs of degradation. That's how I understood your following sentences: “Reading your responses and reflecting, I now think that several of the items are nothing more than forms of degradation. Yes, they are not my kink, but I don’t think degradation should be anyone’s kink.” My responses were based on that interpretation.
My comment about the marks referred to your original question why anyone (or any man) would like to produce and see marks that last for longer than just a few hours. The marks I was talking about can last for much longer than just a few hours and producing them is an integral part of certain scenes for me. The same is true for videos where I find the visual stimulus an important factor. I'm not sure whether there are people out there who are purely into marks and don't care at all about the scene itself or the reactions. I have never heard about anyone who was wired like that. All I have heard about are people like me for whom marks and producing marks can be an important part of certain scenes.
My comment regarding facials also referred to your basic sentence. I thought that your reference to that single blogger was merely made to underline that your assumption that facials were all about degradation was right. You said: “The following explains it for me..” That didn't sound to me as if you were just talking about one possible explanation among others but about a general explanation. Since you didn't mention any other possible reasons why people might be into facials, I decided to bring in a new view. Because I'm actually quite sure that the majority of people who like facials do so because of the reason which I explained and not because they are into degradation.
While I don't do, enjoy, degradation in any form, I do see how some find it hot. When I first began this exploration, I became friendly with a Dom from FL. We met and discussed certain issues I had with my own dominant/spanking leanings. One of the first things he brought up was that he was a sexual sadist. I stayed cool but though I was nuts asking information from someone who was a “real” sadist. To me that implied no sense of decency, consent was of no concern, etc. While talking longer I asked about consent and his response (to my surprise) was of course, and he brought up safe words. He stops when his partner is distressed or reacting in a bad way. He talked to me about negotiations; what you/your partner need and want. If it only works for one, it's not going to be satisfactory in the long run. I came to understand that there were different levels of sadism (I am more on the sensual side of it). As long as both parties want/need this, AND there is no harm, it is OK. Sadism and integrity are not mutually exclusive. In fact, in BDSM, is should be a prerequisite.
I won't attempt to explain why people do what they do (or what I do for that matter). I probably will never play as hard as many do. But, I do accept that it's OK. Facials do nothing for me. Degradation, as I stated, does nothing. But if would make my partner really excited, I might do a milder form of it.
As for marks, I only like red. Black/blue marks do nothing for me. But, some really love them. As well stated above, it's a reminder of a good evening/night.
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